Like a Stripper
by Wasabi Royalty
Summary: Over morning coffee, Tobi makes an observation about Deidara that has his rage scaring the other cafe inhabitants. T for language


I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it.

Please rate and review.

Only rated T for mild language and adult subjects..

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"Sempai is like a stripper."

A silence fell, heavy and dark as Deidara's face developed a shadow that somehow darkened the light everywhere around him, as if his aura was bleeding malicious intent. Tobi sat across from him, watching, or appearing to watch, as he created a tornado in the coffee he had ordered. Oblivious to the murderous expression the blonde was aiming towards him, he giggled as the black liquid splashed out of the mug after his swirling became too rigorous.

"Wanna repeat that?" Voice dangerously low, the pretenses of pleasantness doing nothing to mask the ice that would have stabbed ruthlessly into the flesh of the person whom it was directed towards; would have, if that person hadn't happened to be Tobi. Who was, at most times, oblivious to the danger he was in.

Looking up from the slight mess he had made at the whitewash table they were both sitting, he said in a cheerful tone, "Sempai is like a stripper!"

Deidara's teeth ground together for a moment before he forced a laugh that extended longer than a simple recognizing of a joke. After a moment, Tobi joined in, making

Deidara stop abruptly and allow the masked other go on a few seconds longer until he realized he was laughing alone. They regarded each other for a moment before Tobi abruptly looked down and began to stir his coffee again, uninterested now that nothing seemed to be happening.

Swallowing the yell that wanted to form into his next words, for he did not want to be kicked out of the small café they had stopped at, Deidara asked, still feigning pleasantness, "Tobi, do you even know what a stripper is?"

Tobi nodded, "Mhm, Itachi-san told me all about them!"

Reacting violently to the mention of the man he hated, he accidentally knocked over a small salt shaker that sat in between the two. Tobi immediately gasped, perhaps too dramatically, and reached foreword to grasp the salt that had fallen out of the undone top to throw in the eye of his blonde partner.

"Kyaaaaaaaa!!!"

Deidara stood up, knocking back the chair he had been sitting in, to fling his head back and uselessly grab at his face, his scream of utter agony alerting those who sat around them.

"You bastard!!!! Why did you throw salt in my eye!?!" He yelled, turning down to glare at the shocked other with a tear-filled baby blue.

"I-Itachi-san told me I would get back luck if I didn't throw salt in the eyes of the one who knocked it over!!!" Tobi stuttered, hands raised palm out as if to show that he wished to calm the other by proving that he held no weapons. Obviously unaware that throwing salt in his Sempai's eye would cause such a violent reaction.

Taking a step onto the table, and then another one, until he was towering above all in the small café a full table length taller, Deidara picked up the container holding the pepper, and took a menacing step towards the masked man below. "That damn Itachi… I will kill him in the most horrible way… I'll make his salt explode in his mouth…"

Having taken a few precautionary steps backwards, hands still raised, Tobi uttered, of no help to himself, "I thought you could only make clay explode, Sempai..."

Deidara roared and Tobi turned to begin to run, arms in the air and screaming, to try and get away from his enraged sempai. The artist launched himself into the air to solidly kick the back of the retreating other, knocking him flat on his face with the blonde standing on him. People around them hand been quick to get out of the way of the odd pair, and were quietly exiting the building, trying not to draw attention from the one wielding the pepper-shaker who could have cared less.

Stepping off of him and rolling him over so that he lay on his back, Tobi still had his hands up, but was whimpering audibly at the sight of his partner with his temper so far lost. Sitting down on his chest, Deidara brought the glass object holding the peppers over to hover over the single eye hold in the orange mask, an evil smile spreading over his features as he did so.

"Nooo Sempaiiii!!! Tobi's a good boy, he doesn't deserve pepper to get in his mask!"

Briefly, Deidara wondered if the other realized that the pepper would go in his eye if it got into his mask in the first place, but dismissed it when he realized that he would learn that out soon enough.

"Tobi. If you're a good boy you'll tell me what that bastard told you about strippers."

Sniffing slightly, voice wavering, Tobi spoke, "Well…" He began, when the blonde began to turn the glass sideways threateningly he hurried to add more, "He gave me a list of things, which are that they like to get attention, they throw bitch-fits, they are or look like girls, and they like to take their clothes off." As it seemed like the other was about to break the glass he was gripping, he added in a quieter voice, as if trying to disarm the other, "He said that.. You were a perfect example…"

His anger seemed as though it was going to take on a physical manifestation and come screaming out of his mouth to burn every surface it could come into contact with. Of course, that did not happen, all of his rage was focused on the innocent Tobi, who was still quite convinced that he was a good boy.

"How the hell do I fit into any of those!?!"

Tobi was silent for a moment, wondering if he should honestly answer the question. In the end, he decided he should, against his better judgment, if he had any sort of judgment at all.

"You use bombs as your weapon, which draw attention, you're throwing a bitch-fit right now, you look like a girl, and you always complain about having to wear a cloak."

Slowly, Deidara unscrewed the cap, bringing it to the edge of the single eye hole, before asking in the same, gleefully dangerous voice, "Any last words?"

Tobi began to cry, "No Sempai, I don't want a dirty mask! Please Sempai, I'll let you take off your clothes whenever you want!!!"

He poured the peppers into the hole without another word, laughing maniacally when the older male began to wail in apparent agony. When all of it had been emptied into the others mask, he stood up and sat the empty glass container down on a nearby table, rolling up his sleeves to put his hands on his hips before looking down on his partner in a superior manner.

"So? Is your eye burning?"

Tobi sat up, still sniffling slightly, to look up at the younger other, not understanding the question for a moment before it registered. "Oh! Naw, it's just fine!"

Deidara blanched, "What? That's not possible, I poured fuckn' _pepper _into it!!!"

"Oh…Sorry Sempai, my eye's on the other side."

"WHAT THE HELL!?!"


End file.
